Pretty Much A Couch Potato

Ha ha! All I've done today is sit on my butt and watch t.v. and I haven't accomplished a thing! The only thing making me feel better about my lazy day is that I've read a little bit of my book. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it but I've really started reading again and I'm quite proud :D !! I can't think of anything more relaxing then sitting down in mid afternoon with a book and a freshly made tea. I seem to be doing a lot of different things to get my mind off of the fact that within 4 days I will be leaving my teenage years. I will be entering official adulthood. HOW SCARY IS THAT THOUGHT?! What have I accomplished already? Have I lived my life to it's fullest?! What will happen during the next year?! Will I change?! Will I fall in love again?! It actually does sound quite silly when I ask these questions because everyone deals with the unknown everyday...I can't seem to fathom as to why this birthday is having such an affect on me. I wasn't going to celebrate it at all until my mom suggested having a little get together with some of my good friends. Come to think of it, I'm glad I did plan something. I know I would have had huge regrets if I didn't. The people who mean most to me shape who I am and have given me some of the best memories of my life so far. I am proud to have them in my life...Even if I do feel a bit lonely these days.
Speaking of feeling lonely, to be quite honest I have felt this way in a long time. I don't feel complete right now. My mother has always said to me that a woman should be in control of her life and never let a man effect her feeling good in anyway...Sadly without a man in my life I think i might feel worse. I have never in my life experienced this emptiness...A void I can't seem to fill. The worst part is I don't know what it is that I need! I've tried dating, I've tried working to get my mind off of it, I've tried traveling but nothing seems to work. Hopefully when I turn 20 i'll start off this new decade with happiness and content feelings. Generally I am not a sad person and I try and keep these emotions locked up on this blog of mine. We will just have to wait and see.
Until the next time,
<3