Update...

To all who care to read,

I have brought great shame onto myself and my fellow blogging community, I have failed to write consistently thus making my goal to vigorously and subjectively transcript my life a waste of time. I feel like I've left empty holes within a blanket of memories and laughter when I don't write in my blog. To be honest, when I review my entries and find days missing it brings misery and bitterness to my thoughts. Why you may be asking...? Well I'm lazy.
To be quick and up front as to what has happened within these past two days is pretty much simple. I took a small trip to the theatres this Saturday to see Avatar with a very good friend of mine (WHICH I HAVE TO ADD IN THIS LITTLE TANGENT THAT IT WAS AMAZING!...The movie of course.) and we finally had a chance to sit down and discuss our current events. Every time I'm with this person he brings great joy to my heart because there is never feelings of judgement or sarcasm when conversing. It's just smiles and a good time. We went back to his place and spent the majority of the evening reminiscing and smoking cigarettes. |
Today unfortunately was a different sort of day. It is my own fault to say that I arrived home quite late yesterday evening. As good as it was to spend time with a old friend, waking up the next morning after only four and a half hours of sleep to go shopping with your mother, sister and grandfather does take a toll on the body. We shopped for about three hours then whipped back home so I could stroll into work just on time. I just finished a seven hour shift till 1:00 in the morning while on having slept for only four hours the previous night.
I pretty much feel like merde.
That's pretty much what's happening here in the world of Heather.
OHHH!
before I forget, I did get two HUGE zits on my face today while struggling to serve costumers using all of my might to stay awake. It was just one of those days ha ha.
Tomorrow I plan on staying in and just relaxing, I do have a day off!
I best be getting to bed though, It is getting rather late.
Until the next time,
<3

A Little Secret....

I am going to start off this post with a positive note, I love skype. It's my new favourite way to keep communication around the world, so much better then using web cam over msn. I was able to speak with a friend of mine who i haven't spoken to in a long time. Speaking with people who i have met over the years, who also live far away provokes me to feel so content. It's like having two completely different lives, two different set of friends and another family. Doing the exchange was the best decision of my life and I am so proud of myself for sticking with french, honestly I don't know I would have survived without it. French is my life, it's something i strive to hear almost everyday. I can't explain it but it's almost like an addiction, learning and absorbing it all. To me using french in an English speaking area gives me the sense of speaking code, almost like an elite language suited for those who were blessed go obtain it. I use it when I'm angry, upset and also extremely happy. There are many different phrases used in this language that cannot be translated to the English language and make sense to an English spoken person.
Of course i wasn't born into a french family so I do have many moments where i don't understand, but you know that's what makes it so incredible. You could compare it to the honey moon stage of a relationship, where you are getting to know someone and truly figuring out who they are as well as what they have to offer...For me, french is constantly at this stage. I can't get enough of it! My friends sometimes don't understand my passion with it, they don't see the many doors being opened for me as i continue to descend deeper into the depths of the language. there are times where i wished they could understand my love for it, but then sometimes when a show, a book, a phrase or we meet a french person on the street i am ecstatic to say that I am the person they turn to for help to understand.
Anyways I think that's enough ranting tonight about how much i love the french language.
i have to edit some one's work so we will see how well that goes!
Ha ha.
Until the next time,
<3

So I Thought I Would Point Out...

Today I came to the realization that no matter where you are within the world the same minuscule problems occur. From our pettiness over our exteriors to our relationships they basically all come down to the same morals and values we all share. I don't have much to write today because my eyelids are starting to droop and I'm really feeling some good 'ol fashioned sleep.
I'll post something new tomorrow, I really do feel like writing a poem or something.
Until tomorrow,
<3

Blabbering On Again...

I had such a fantastic day off yesterday, I spent it with my best friend and my family. I finally finished season 5 of Grey's Anatomy and just totally relaxed. My friend and I went to yet another breakfast spot and this one actually had the best service I've seen throughout all the restaurants I've been to. Sadly to say I've fallen off the path with my diet. I don't know why but it's just so hard to keep up with today's eating habits and actually be able to not go over weight. There is just way to much temptation all around me all the time. My family does cook homemade meals but then I open up the cupboards to cookies and pies. What do i do?!
I look through magazines and wish I looked like these woman presented in front of me, but unfortunately i will never be that way, my body will never be the way I want it to be. I have come to the realization that I should be happy with who I am and if I choose to benefit myself by eating healthy and exercising then I will do so at my will. Anyways I'm out.
I need to get ready for work.
Until the next time,
<3

Something From The Heart....

So I thought that I would make a quick post before I fall into literal unconsciousness so that I can write a little blurb of something that actually makes sense. I have to say that I must apologize and state that I am deeply sorry for these past few days, my lack of thought process and ability to write was interfered with my pathetic self loathing and weeping. Since my grandmothers shocking death of cancer this past October I occasionally have these days of self pity and to be quite frank it's hard to live with. I say this not just for myself but for my family's sake as well. I have mood swings, eating over excessively spells and I tend to cry instantaneously. These feelings are not just because of my grandmothers death, it is because I have lost two very close people in my life this year.
I don't think I have mentioned the person I have fallen into endless love with yet in my blog and I think it's time for me to inform you. When I was 18 years old I traveled for the first time to a foreign country, doe eyed and alone. I knew only my exchange student Eloise who I have now spent 7 months with and she has grown to become more like a sister. Besides that, the country I went to was unfamiliar territory and a new place for me to explore and discover...That's when I met Theo. The one person that I can actually say has stolen my heart and I think will keep it for the rest of my life. We bonded emotionally, physically and spiritually when I was there. These feelings for me were new and untouched for I had not openly and willingly given my heart so freely to a person before.
We were separated by regulations of my exchange and I thought I would never again touch the lips of someone so gentle and kind. It wasn't until last summer I laid eyes on him again and felt his warm touch. We have stayed in contact ever since I've left France for the first time...But with our lives taking new turns and experiencing new things on the road to adulthood keeping the contact now does get rather difficult. We talk on a regular basis whenever possible and he lights up my world whenever darkness creeps through the cracks of my life. There aren't words to describe what he truly is...To me...He is wonderful and that is why I felt I haven't lost just one person in my life, but two. Saying goodbye to him in the airport last August was probably just as hard as being able to touch my grandmother's hand for the last time. It has been a very emotional year and I'm glad that my life is finally taking it's place in the world...Working it's self out to not only benefit me financially but make me happy in the process. I have a much closer relationship with my mother now and my sister and I can finally see eye to eye ( for the most part).
All I can do is hope for the best to come and pray that everything will take it's course. I have so much love to give and I hope Theo is the right one for me to share it with. I have been through so many let downs with men in my life that having this relationship with Theo coming so easily to me...Well it frightens me. But as my grandmother used to say "Heather, you can do and have anything you put your mind to" and she was right. I can make this relationship and love last if I truly want it and I do. My grandmother will rest in my heart until the day I can see her again.
I think that's all for now.
Until the next time,
<3

What's going on...

today I am feeling much better then yesterday, I can actually get out of bed today. I am planning on making my way to work tonight. You know sitting here yesterday, by myself eating pizza and watching grey's anatomy i've actually come to the conclusion that I'm actually a little depressed. I sat in the shower last night crying...I have no idea what's wrong with me or why i'm feeling this way....I have fallen in love more then once but never have I felt this bottomless. I am shell right now and i have no way of breaking it.
Thats enough for today.
I'm sorry I'm so out of it...
I'll write more tomorrow and more indepth.
Until the next time,
<3

Yuck!

today i'm sick.
Nothing more to say about it.
I threw up.
Blah.

Quick But To The Point....

What an interesting morning I've had, I woke up and felt like poop again. My friend came over and picked me up for breakfast. I caved and had a huge meal, carbs and all. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! I don't feel as though I've cheated myself, I've more or less have given myself a reward for the hard week that I've struggled through. After that gratifying feast we seemingly came back to my home and unfortunately I started dying of cramps and basically passed out on my bed. I hate when that occurs...I don't mean for it to happen, sometimes I just need the quick nap. Now I'm awake and my parents have suggested going to the casino! How cool is that? I love going to the casino, the chance and excitement of winning just completely overwhelms me. I'll have to write about it tomorrow when I get home from work.
Tomorrow sadly will be another quick little blurb of writing because I don't have my morning off. Sunday I should be able to inform you guys of what's happening when I have more time.
Until next time,
<3

Dunno Why But...

Ugggggggggg.
For some apparent reason I'm exhausted today. I just feel like death. This entry is going to be very short and to the point. Yesterday was a very interesting day, i spent it seeing three different groups of my friends. I went to try and get some recording done at the studio but unfortunately when you get two people in a room after 9:00pm only drinking caffeine it leads to constant laughter and no accomplishments. Ha ha I had a great time but unfortunately I work today.
Until the next time,
<3

French Connection...

I can't even explain how discouraged I feel at this moment. After two days of grueling and utter resistance to food I've lost nothing...NOTHING! You'd think even a pound on any part of my body would have decided to float away with the blistering winds of the snow storm last night...Regrettably, nothing occurred.
Yesterday I was in sheer bliss speaking with one of my best friends who lives around the world. Were approximately 14 hours apart but we can still make each other laugh within seconds. She was my exchange partner two years ago when I traveled for the first time to Europe. In total we spent six months together dwelling inside each others homes and families. It was a life changing experience, I learned the french language and she increased her knowledge in English. Here in Canada we have two national languages which are English and french. The majority of my country speaks only English thus making it quite difficult to learn french. In school starting from kindergarten (seemingly only in catholic schools) you start your french education. It is mandatory to take french courses till you hit your second year of high school. You may then choose to continue with the program or drop it. Ever since I've come back from my trip I can pretty much understand the language of french and I love it. French is such a beautiful way of expressing yourself. With all of the education presented to us as children, at times it disgusts me how little the knowledge of french actually stuck with my friends. Some can only say "bonjour".
I want to use this language when I start my career. I wont be going back to post-secondary education until 2011 but I plan on taking the french course offered as well as a travel and tourism course.
I think that's enough rambling for today though. Ha ha I probably could do that all day.
Until the next time,
<3

Day 2...

It is officially day two of my attempt at dieting and to be frank with you, I want to cease these actions IMMEDIATELY ha ha. Yesterday I ate 2 bananas, 1 apple and a turkey salad for dinner. The salad was actually quite tasty until I felt the texture of the green leaves on top of my unforgiving taste buds while the rest of my family chowed down on breaded chicken wings and fries. "flat stomach, flat stomach...FLAT STOMACH!" was all I kept saying to myself. I work irregular hours at my job and it aggravates me to say that for the most part I work till about 2 am. On average I fall asleep around 3 am and wake up around 12 pm, so as you can see my sleeping and eating patterns are at a all time BIZARRE!
I am a HUGE sugar freak, for some reason I just can't get enough of candy, chocolate and sweets. My problem is eating over excessive amounts of these gifts from God. How can the things one yearns for so much, be so wrong?!
Last year I stepped out of the box of self consciousness and finally wore a bikini in public. Yes, I agree it does sound rather ridiculous for someone of my age to have never worn a bathingsuit without covering my midriff but everyone has their flaws right? I remember going to Wal-Mart and picking out the perfect style that suits my personality, fortunately I brought my sister along for this little adventure. She is the type of girl everyone else strives to be when in their adolescent years of high school. She is blond, blue eyed, 0 waist, athletic, intelligent and surprisingly funny. She completely understood whenever I was rotten and even unbearable.
Having a point to this little story I want to be able to be completely comfortable with myself in France when wearing a bikini this summer. Hopefully all goes according to plan and I finish my goal.
Until the next time,
<3

Today It Begins....

Yes today I am starting the notorious diet that I have been talking about to my family for the past week now, they want to kill me ha ha. The plan is to loose 20 pounds before I leave for France on the 6th of July. Think I can do it?
Placing bets now!
I know I'm not massively over weight but I would feel better about myself mentally and physically if I accomplish this goal. I have always struggled with weight issues ever since I was young. Dealing with the pressures of highschool, boys and the media as a young adult doesn't help with self esteem. Generally it really hinders the true beauty within each person, in my opinion. All of those problems do hide the true message desperately needing to be heard, be happy with who you are. Don't get me wrong, I am not falling into the category just to impress a boy or look like the 100 pound girls you see in vouge. I have decided to loose this weight for myself. I am happy with who I am but eating healthier and excersing could benefit me in numerous different factors.
Unfortunately I am smoker, I have been smoking for almost two years now. I started when I visited France for the first time. I wish my body better eating habits because being fat and a smoker is basically asking for a heart attack. It really does scare me how much salt and sugar one can comsume throughout a day. Recently I have been watching the amount of calories and carbs I take in a day and truely it disgusts me how bad our "tv dinners" and "boxed pizzas" really don't help my thighs or waist get any smaller. So on that note, I will be updating this blog every five days with the amount of weight that I will have lost.
Until the next time,
<3

Quite Frustrating...

Ugggg I am sorry but today my emotions are all over the place due to the fact of men. If this entry does not make sense I apologize upfront. Yesterday was just a very bizzare day in the life of Heather. You know, after dating for about 5 years I still can't grasp the concept of men and they seem to surprise me at any given moment. All of the female rolemodels who usually inspire me today have informed me that men are very simple creatures, easy to minipulate and happily content when in their comfort zone/environment. This unfortuntatley was not the case with this boy that I am dealing with at my work. He constantely changes his emotions and moods and honestly I can't read him worth a damn. It kills me because I can normally read people's characteristics and body language quite well. It frusterates me even more that he is higher in the ranks then me so I have to treat him with "some" respect. The problem is one day he is all happy-go-lucky and the next he's ignoring you. I just don't understand, can someone please explain this to me?!
Ever since I was fifteen I've had four boyfriends, two of them serious ones and even then being as immature as I was I could usually pinpoint every move of my boyfriend(s). I'm sorry it really grinds my gears when someone flips up and down like a rollercoaster and then puts me down for it. It's hard when your in a work place, dealing with many types of vibrant personalities. You all must co-exist in a safe and healty faciltiy but since there is such a great mix of ages ranging from 16-32 the levels of maturity are quite unbalanced. I'm not stating that I'm of higher stature then others, I just wish that when making money it could also be fun and challenging.
Other then this little mishap yesterday that's all I really have to report. I worked extra long hours yesterday and it felt like the night would never end.
It did though,
Thank goodness.
Until the next time,
<3

Just Some Random Thoughts...

Before I start to ramble on about my petty thoughts or minuscule life I would like to draw attention to this certain television show that I have been unmistakeably addicted to for the past day and a half, Glee. When I was in my early days of the pre-teen years my dreams of becoming a famous singer/dancer were definitley intact. I wish there were more emphasise back when I was growing up to follow your dreams like how it was represented in this show. Don't misunderstand me, my parents were phenominal with their tactics of growth and individuality and they helped me emensily when it came to myself esteem issues which I generally just forgot about since the end of highschool. Point being I was just rather impressed with the way the whole first season played out. It gave me that sense of warmth and acceptance one would feel after watching a disney movie like Mary Poppins or Cinderella. To end off my thought I am very anixous for the next season to arrive!
On another note I spent my frieday evening quiet hanging out with an old friend watching Pixar's new film UP, actually I forgot to mention that the whole family was involved! It was a great time in my opinion and I was glad not to be spending money ha ha. I also just off my plane ticket and now am officially off to France! Unfortunately I have to withstand another closing shift tonight at my job but like my mother always says "It's all worth it for France..." which it is.
I should end this entry for it's getting a little long,
Until the next time,
<3

Nothing To Exciting...

Again nothing to eventful to report when speaking of my travels, haha unfortunately I forgot to mention I wont be leaving Canada until July. Sadly these six months of entries will mainly be focused on loosing weight and eating healthy. Come to think of it, now that I am speaking of food I forgot to mention the little task my friend and I have been trying to finsh. The goal is to attempt to eat at all the breakfast spots in my general region. We critic the atmosphere, the food and the service. It has been quite fun. At this point we have been to 7 different places all containing numerous elements we have either liked or disliked greatly. It would make me very happy to continue to write about this lovely little adventure.
to my great misfortune I must end this entry for I must eat something before my stomach caves in on it's own. Just for a quick FYI, I have finally recieved the package my host parents from france sent me! It was filled with wonderful goodies and beautiful jewelary.
Until the next time,
<3

An Uneventful Post...

So there is nothing to report on my travels other then I have received a few emails from my corespondents from France. What I have gathered is all is well on their end. It is very interesting to have friends from the other side of the world. Their thoughts and opinions about today's society is very different from the friends I have grown so fond of here in Canada, at least on a political view. Interesting and intelligent as they may be, it still puts a smile on my face when I hear that they have quarrels within their group of friends like normal teenagers do here(all in a different language of course). We humans are all very much a like in retrospect and that is what I have come to love and discover within groups of friends all over the world. It is one of the many reasons why I feel so strong about traveling and it is for knowing the people around you, what they have to offer and how people living so far away from eachother can relate so freely.
Changing the subject I feel great remorse that I did not write yesterday. I kept trying to edit this one picture I wanted to post yesterday, but for some odd reason it wasn't saving. I guess I'll have to live without images on my blog for a while. Speaking of yesterday I had a wonderful day off from the grueling days at work I usually endure. I spent the day trying out a new breakfast spot and in Niagara Falls watching a magic show!(My first magic show). The show it's self was well done for a small town venue and I was quite impressed, as were my friends that tagged along. We ate popcorn, drank hot chocolate and pop and discussed how frightening the birds were going be when the show had started. It was quite the adventure. Anyways I'm going to end this entry because I am quite hungry.
Until the next time,
<3

To Start It Off...

Sometimes I wonder why there has to be so much pressure growing up. When a life is given to a person one must decide what to do with it after being guided carefully by the parentals. In reality though, choices are overwhelming and the majority of the time most beings just follow the flow of general habitual motions shown by this labeled list I have made.

I mean, the way our society works is;

1. Your born
2. child hood
3. High school
4. College/University
5. Marriage
6. Kids
7. Your children marry
8. Grandchildren
9. old age home
10. You die

It's scary how easily written more then half the percentage of the world lives their lives....I intend to change that!
This blog is to document my travels and my life.
Experience and live.
It starts again...
July 6th, FRANCE!

I hope you enjoy!!
<3